Thinking about my penis
Once I had a pimple on my penis.
A grey painful pimple.
Imagine if it had kept growing
and engulfed my existing dick.
My penis would be bigger,
doubled in size,
but deformed and ugly and grey.
Does one of those outweigh the other?
Do circumcised guys get foreskin envy?
Am I privileged to have retained that flesh?
Apparently it means my dick is more sensitive.
Does that mean my orgasms are more intense?
Does it make my penis appear more or less attractive?
I’ve always thought that it looked quite nice when erect
and pathetic when soft.
I’m a grower not a shower after all.
I’ve tried to suck my own dick.
Either I wasn’t flexible enough
or it wasn’t long enough.
I’ve tried to measure it a few times
but I was never confident about the accuracy of the measurement,
so I decided that it is impossible for a man to accurately self-measure his penis.
It would require absolute removal of ego
but if you had no ego you would have no reason to measure your penis.
I am a virgin
My mind is a minefield of dirty double meanings…
but otherwise I am pure and naïve and disgusted by my own innocence,
dismayed by my own ignorance,
unaware of how to remove a bra,
the texture of a nipple,
the scent of any groin but my own.
Of course I have done some things.
I have hugged with a few girls
and they told me they liked it,
that I made them feel safe.
Sometimes I even picked them up as I hugged them…
but I’ve also done that with my sister.
I have kissed with a girl with open mouths
but I was too drunk at that time to trust any memories I have of it…
and anyway I’ve also kissed with my grandmother in that manner.
I’ve danced with girls and tried to grope them
and they pushed my hands away.
I told a girl I ‘liked’ her
and she told me, ‘that’s awkward’
I’ve shaved my pubic hair.
I’ve taken photos of my penis.
I’ve ejaculated while on video chat.
So, I’ve done a few things,
some might even say a lot of things,
but there’s one thing I haven’t done,
one line I haven’t crossed,
one level I have yet to reach,
one realm I have yet to enter…
Jackson Nieuwland likes unicorns.