christina hendricks by meghan lamb

You cannot talk about Christina Hendricks
Without mentioning her breasts
To talk about her without mentioning her breasts
Would be like coming to a party and just standing there

To talk about her without mentioning her breasts
Would be like talking to a woman without talking to her husband
Or not complimenting how her kids are growing
Those guys are getting bigger every time you see them

Her breasts are her children forever gestating
They’ll never be born and she likes them that way
They are children she’ll always have close and be nursing
With smooth creamy fat from her almond milk body

I feel weird about Christina though because
We wear the same size bra
But if you talked about my breasts
I might run for the bathroom and cry

By same size I mean cup size I am smaller than Christina
32 E/F depending on the brand
Sometimes I’ll buy a triple D or double D and tell myself
They fit like I am pregnant and I don’t want to admit it yet

I’m not actually pregnant BTW
That isn’t why I wrote this poem guys

I wrote this poem just to name drop where I buy my bras
I thought that I could help someone like me
I buy my bras at ASOS Top Shop and Macy’s online
I never stand in fitting rooms so I don’t have to see them

And by them I mean my breasts which are not sweet gestating babies
But are two very real brats who have gross-smelling diapers
Meghan Lamb lives in Chicago where she works, writes, and edits Red Lightbulbs.