A PLAYLIST OF THE SEE AND SAY BARNYARD CATALOG WITH NEW AND OLD BARNYARD ANIMALS INCLUDING RARITIES by chad redden

we’ll be a whole barnyard of fun

        I have string        pull my string
 
 
the pig says        oink oink oink

        oink oink oink     I’m a dirty piggy     bathing in mud     wearing mud mask     shove my face      in trough     bathe me      in trough

you dirty piggy     I am the farmer     I’m slicing you into bacon     into hot dogs     into cutlets       spiders say you are terrific     spiders say you are some pig     spiders say you are humble

        spiders are right     I am some pig     I am some terrific pig     frying in your pan     the bacon says     sizzle sizzle sizzle     I am some humble bacon
the mouth says     yum yum yum
 
 
the cow says        moooooooooo

        moooooooooo     chewing on my cud     chewing on your cud     switch my tail     switch flies off my back with my tail     I’m so full of milk     daylight savings time      has fucked up my milking schedule     milk me farmer

I meet you in the field     your shit is on my boot     you see my bucket     you see my stool     your teats swell     I lead you to the barn

        chewing cud     teats swell for you     flies in my lashes     long beautiful lashes     I’m easy     breezy     beautiful     CoverCow

fill a bucket you milk     drinking you raw     from bucket     a bronze statue of Pastur cries     somewhere     turn ghost in your milk     overalls turn ghost too

        make me steak     make me ground beef     make me an eighty-twenty blend of beef and fat

I put a bolt through your head     you crash to the ground     stir up sawdust     cut you into steak     grind you into an eighty-twenty blend     the perfect blend for hamburgers     curdle you milk     process you curds      you into cheese     put two slices of you cheese on a you burger
 
 
the frog says        ribbit ribbit ribbit

I’m on a lily pad

        I’m on a lily pad

think I see a dragonfly

        think I see it too     my DNA wants children to see this     I jump     underwater     I lay mounds of jelly     mounds of eggs

my DNA wants mounds of jelly     I jump     underwater     I release sperm clouds     one sperm cloud looks like a clown     one sperm cloud looks like a dragonfly

        think I see it too

the earthworm says        […] […] […]

        you are the soil     you are in one end     you are in the other end     when I move I am eating soil     soil moves through me     I am half soil     a core     of you     in me

I am the soil     I don’t say much     at this point
 
 
the duck says        quack quack quack

        quack quack quack

no quack quack quack     I have stuffed you     I have mounted you     to the wall

        I am stuffed     I am the wall

my friends come over     we drink beers     I show them my duck     I say look at that duck

        I am a trophy     I am the wall

I say look at that duck     my hands stuffed it     I show them my hands     I pluck your feathers

        I am exposed     I am the wall

my friends pluck your feathers     I pluck more of your feathers     to the floor

        I am the wall     I am the floor

I pull off your bill     glue it to my face     I glue your feathers     to my hands     I say look at this duck

        I am you
 
 
the horse says        mooooooooooooo

I put a bolt through your horse head     through your cow costume     then through your horse head     pull the string again

        can I be a cow      in a horse costume?

no     no     one animal at a time
 
 
the llama says        spit spit spit

        spit spit spit

spit spit spit

        spit spit spit

spit spit spit

        need more     spit     water

spit     me too     spit

the bear says        grrr grrr grrr

        this is a bear farm?

this is a bear ranch

        no, this is a bear reserve     I’m the park ranger     you are stealing my picnic baskets

I’m stealing your picnic baskets     stealing your     sandwiches     stealing your honey pots

        put a steel trap       in my picnic basket     hide the picnic basket       in my park ranger dress

I am a bear     smell your picnic basket     hidden in your park ranger dress     smell your honey pots     in your picnic basket     hidden in your park ranger dress

        I see you     play dead

you can’t trick me     park ranger     I smell your park ranger dress     hidden in your death     smell your sandwiches     in your park ranger dress     hidden in your death

        let you rip apart my death      let you apart my dress     let you rip apart my picnic basket

I eat your death     eat your dress     eat your steel trap     eat you

        our farm is a death farm

all farms grow death

        pull my string
 
 
the chicken says        cluck cluck cluck

I climb the fence     call for you      the sun

        can’t hear you     in the hen house      laying children that     won’t be children

I climb the tractor     call for you      our not children

        can’t hear you     in a burlap bag

I climb the house     call for you      the burlap bag

        can’t hear you     the farmer’s wife     broke my neck

I climb the flag pole     call for you      call for you

        can’t hear you     in the oven     on the plate     in the farmer     in the farmer’s wife     can hear the children     that won’t be children     now
 
 
the coyote says        hooooooooooowl

I have dynamite     I have boulders     I have anvils     I have sling shots     I have rocket skates     I have lasers

        beep beep baby     beep beep

I will blow the feathers      off your ass    I will break your speed     break your legs

        beep beep     beep      oh beep beep

I will strap us both     to a rocket     off a cliff     into a cliff

        baby beep beep      beep     beep beep    oh beep

we’ll be ashes     ashes and eyes     ashes ashes ashes     the side of a cliff
 
 
the cat says        meow meow meow

there is a position     where you as a cat      chase after me as a dog     where I as a dog     chase after you as a cat
 
 
the snake says        ssssssssssssssssssss

        sleeping in your boot

I’m a farmer     my cow needs milked     her teats swell for me     I need my boots

        sleeping in your boot

I know where this     is going

        put on your boots

I put on my boots     something is in my boot

        your foot     tries breaking me     I strike your foot

feeling your fangs     trying to kick you away

        you feel feverish     you feel sleepy     I unhinge my jaws

I fall down     start talking to the ceiling    say things     I’m sorry snake     sorry I disturbed your boot condo     sorry cow     sorry no one will milk you today     sorry boot    sorry foot

        you fall asleep     I become a sleeve     I sleeve you in me     how wide     my jaws spread     at your torso     I fall asleep too
 
 
the horse says        neigh neigh neigh

        if there are smoking cowboys

we buck them

        if there are fields of grass

we graze them

        if there are hills

we gallop them

        if there are rivers

we cross them

        if there are mountains

we mount them

        if there are villages

we burn them

        if there are salt licks

we lick them

        if there are ponies

we parent them

        if there are planets

we gallop them
 
 
the turkey says        gobble gobble gobble

the turkey      is unsexy

        make unsexy     sexy     slap my face     with your gizzard
 
 
Chad Redden is the author of a little book of poems about Thursday called Thursday (Plain Wrap). He lives in Indianapolis where he edits NAP.

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